Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
