that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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