I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize