it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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