so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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