Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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