i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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