is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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