Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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