? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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