I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
