I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
