my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
