Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just high enough for therapy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
