Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
