drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
