On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
