Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
