If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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