Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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