So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
