whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
