she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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