sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
