Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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