Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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