yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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