I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
