he thought i was a dude.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
