actually, I'm a sock model
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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