im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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