He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
