I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
