I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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