can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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