There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize