Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
BRING THE BAGELS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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