her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
