It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
