I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
