And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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