Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want nice things and good sex
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize