Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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