and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
