Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
