you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
