Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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