nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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