My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
