That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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