this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
