i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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