ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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