New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
