You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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