Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
