the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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