no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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