So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize