something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
