No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had to coat check the pizza.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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