Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
