Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
