the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
a search helicopter?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
