i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
