Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
