he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
